


always been here

by StackerPentecost



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29937855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StackerPentecost/pseuds/StackerPentecost
Summary: Frank ends up in the hospital yet again. Billy has had enough of his reckless anti-hero bullshit.A request for Brank and forehead touches.
Relationships: Frank Castle/Billy Russo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	always been here

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the lack of content lately. I hope this makes up for it a bit.

Billy hated hospitals. He hated everything about them, from all the people always coming and going, the oppressive and glaring fluorescent lights overhead to the constant lack of quiet, be it from the sounds of beeping machines or humming equipment or just the constant sound of conversation. Even the smell, so bracingly potent in its cleanliness seemed to put him on edge. It probably didn’t bother most people, but everything about this place made Billy uncomfortable and ill at ease from the moment he knew he’d have to go inside. Places like this, any clinical setting really, reminded him too much of his past, especially around the time he’d found his mother, practically on life support after she’d nearly drugged herself into oblivion one too many times. The place she was in now still made him uncomfortable, as though he could smell the scent of people’s suffering just from entering the building. Just one more reason he preferred not to see her.

Today though, today he was here for a different reason and if it had been for any other reason, he probably wouldn’t have come simply to avoid stepping foot in another hospital. But he wasn’t here for a friend or even a family member, he was here for someone far more important than either of those designations. 

Billy had taken care of everything personally as soon as he’d been given word. He’d made sure the room was the biggest and best available, had only the best staff on duty with more just a call away if need be and he was sure he could have a jet waiting and ready in under 30 minutes if shit suddenly decided to hit the fan, which Billy always assumed it would even if it never really did. It was the soldier in him he supposed, always having to be prepared for the worst case scenario. He’d learned a long time ago that it paid to have all your bases covered and he was definitely a man with the means to do exactly that.

The ride in the elevator was excruciating, both because of such an enclosed space and the length of time it took to move up several floors even though in actuality it probably wasn’t any time at all. Mostly though, it was because of the series of knots that had formed in the pit of Billy’s stomach, starting the second he got the call. After that, he’d started ringing contact after contact to get everything in place here before ultimately making the trip here himself.

Finally, Billy reached the correct floor and found it blessedly less crowded and a bit quieter, mostly because Billy had demanded the best and was willing to fork over the cash for a bit of privacy. Still, his heart sped up as he made his way down the hall, his expensive Louis Vuitton’s echoing against the tile with every step. 

There was a rather broad man in a black suit standing in front of the door at the end of the hall. His arms were crossed over his chest and his gaze steely. If he was listening to the chatter he was surely hearing from his earpiece, it registered no change in his expression. Billy didn’t have to say a word, the man knew who he was just from sight alone and immediately stepped aside, opening the door and allowing Billy to enter before closing it once he was inside. 

The room was silent except for the steady sounds of the machines that were inescapable in a hospital. It was a rather large space for a hospital room, with an oversized couch and several chairs, some decent wallpaper, and windows that overlooked the city. 

“You didn’t have to do all this.”

Billy had avoided looking at the man sitting in the hospital bed until then, exhaling a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding when he finally managed a look. His eyes landed on the other man’s face, saw the myriad of cuts on his body, some deep enough to require stitches while others were simply bandaged. Not that Billy could see most of his body, just his face, and arms, the rest covered by a gown and the thin blanket that had been placed over him. Still, Billy could see the beginnings of bruises along with other abrasions. He worried about the injuries that he knew he couldn’t see.

It took a moment for him to find his voice as he took everything in. “It’s you. For anyone else, I wouldn’t have but you’re not anyone else.” 

“So I’m royalty now, huh?” Frank’s voice sounded rough and more than a bit tired, but just the sound of it made Billy’s heart beat faster, even as he remained rooted to the spot, still taking in the state of the other man. Leave it to Frank to try and make light of his current situation.

Billy sighed softly then, taking a step toward the bed. “You act like I should’ve done nothing.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal, Bill. Whatever happens to me isn’t your fault.”

“But you could’ve died!” Billy burst out, drawing back a second later, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him.   
  
“We’re all going to die sooner or later. You’re still making more out of this than you should be.” Frank insisted.    
  
Billy let out a noise of disgust. “Oh spare me that bullshit. Just because we’re all going to kick it one day doesn’t mean we should just act like we have no control over our lives. We shouldn’t just let shit happen as it may, paying no mind to our own safety, just asking for the universe to come and off us.” He shook his head before meeting Frank’s gaze. “Is that what you want? Do you have some sort of fucking death wish that you haven’t told me about?”

Frank scoffed. “You know it’s not like that. I do what I do because I have to, because nobody else will. You know it’s a little more dangerous than some office job.”

“I do but you’re not an untrained idiot who decided to do this for his own jollies either! Would it really be so hard to be a little more careful? Every day I wake up and wonder if this is the day I’m gonna get a call that someone found your maimed corpse in some burnt out warehouse!” Billy was trying so hard to rein in his feelings but this was Frank and nobody else got to him quite like he did and it didn’t help that Frank didn’t seem to understand why Billy would go to such lengths just to make sure he was okay. 

“And so what if I end up dead, Bill? You’d be fine, you’ve got everything anyone could possibly want and if you don’t, you’re more than capable of paying someone to get what you want. The whole fucking world is in the palm of your hand. Compared to all that, why do I even matter?” Frank asked him, watching Billy with almost curious eyes, unused to seeing the other man this way.   
  
For a long moment Billy stood silent. His gaze had moved from Frank to somewhere on the floor, but it soon returned to his face and Frank wasn’t sure he quite understood the emotion he saw playing in Billy’s eyes when everything about him was normally so guarded. 

“Don’t you get it?” Billy finally asked him. “Don’t you understand that without you, I’ve got nothing? No family, no friends, or at least none that matter anyway. I’ve got the money and the high powered job and everything that comes with that but none of that matters if you’re not here. How am I just supposed to fucking go on without you, huh? How am I supposed to move on and act like everything is okay knowing damn well I’m never gonna see you again?!” Billy demanded, his voice rising as he began to pace, not knowing what else to do with himself. 

Frank found himself unsure of what to say. It hurt him to see Billy like this, to see him so clearly unhappy when he was usually so calm and practically unflappable in any situation. When they’d been overseas, he’d been a lethal sniper because of his ability to remain in control at all times besides having a perfect shot. He was even like that when they were deep in a firefight. Billy could handle anything. Frank couldn’t remember a time when he’d seen him like this. 

“Bill...I-I don’t…” He couldn’t seem to find the right words.

Billy had crossed to the other side of the room where the windows were, now leaning his hands against the ledge beneath the glass, his eyes trained on the view of the city outside.

“Sometimes...Sometimes I think about trying to convince you to go away with me, to give up all of this, this life you’ve chosen. I think about convincing you to let me take you away from here, off to anywhere in the world that we could want to go as long as it got us out of here and I’d never have to worry about losing you again. We could just disappear, never have to worry about anything anymore. I don’t care about where we’d end up, as long as we’re together.” Billy sighed heavily then, shoulders sagging. “But I know there’s no point in asking. I know I could never get you to agree to it. I may not be able to live without you, but that doesn’t mean you feel the same way about me.”

Frank had never heard Billy speak like that, never understood just how much he cared, not really. He’d always done such a good job of hiding his emotions, but perhaps this time had been one close call too many for Billy. 

“Bill, fuck, I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how you felt. I’m so used to not caring too much about my own survival that I assumed if I was gone, maybe you would be sad, but that it wouldn’t mean nearly as much as it clearly would.” He swallowed, finding a lump had formed in his throat. “But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be lost without you.” Frank managed, his voice much softer now. “I know how important you are to me but I don’t think I’ve been showing it, not nearly enough. I didn’t realize how my own disregard for myself would affect you.” 

Frank’s eyes stayed on the other man as he remained in place by the window, not saying a word. He couldn’t help worrying that Billy wouldn’t say anything else and that he would simply walk out. Frank didn’t want that, didn’t want there to be this tension between them. 

“Bill? Will you come over here? Please? So I can stop looking at your back?” 

For a long moment, Billy still didn’t move. But eventually, he straightened and turned, approaching the bed. Frank recognized the expression on Billy’s face, one he was very much familiar with, the calm, cold look of detachment Billy kept up around nearly everyone and almost all the time. Frank was one of the few people around which he could let that mask disappear and allowed himself to really feel things, but usually only if they were alone. Frank didn’t take offense to Billy refusing to do that now, knowing that the coldness was just his response to his control slipping earlier. It was a defense mechanism for Billy, one he relied on, a sort of self-preservation against rejection or unwanted pain, something he’d been forced to learn from years of being used and having his wants disregarded by people he thought he could trust. He didn’t know how else to handle emotionally charged situations where feelings mattered more than anything else. For Billy, he’d much rather storm a fortified bunker than try to navigate his own feelings. 

Frank wasn’t quite like that, but he understood well enough and he honestly wasn’t much better considering the emotion of his that he was most familiar with was rage. 

But the good thing was that he was also one of the few people who could coax Billy into letting his guard down after he’d thrown every wall back up. It wasn’t always easy, but it seemed Billy responded to him in ways he just didn’t with other people. 

Frank pushed himself up in the bed so he was sitting better, so he could try and get Billy to meet his gaze. “You mean everything to me, you know that?” It wasn’t easy for him to say these things out loud, but they needed to be said and at least they were alone. “I never say it and I clearly don’t show it enough but you’re all I’ve got, Bill. I know I’d never make it if you were gone but I never realized that you would feel the same way about me.” He exhaled a deep sigh, looking down at his hands, the knuckles wrapped up as they’d been split and bloody when he came in. “You’re the only one who even remotely understands the shit that goes on in my head. I don’t have to act like I’m something I’m not with you. You don’t look at me the way some people do, like I’m a ticking bomb they don’t know how to defuse. You’re the only person I know that won’t let me down…” He looked up, surprised when he found Billy’s eyes on him. 

The look in Billy’s eyes was unreadable, those dark eyes revealing little though Frank felt like Billy was studying every bit of him, as though he were peering into Frank himself, picking up on all the things the other man had left unsaid. 

Frank didn’t move when Billy stepped closer, didn’t shy away when the other man carefully reached to touch his cheek despite having several cuts on that part of his face. He didn’t care honestly, he wasn’t afraid of Billy in any sense, but he definitely wasn’t going to pull away now, not when he saw the way Billy’s expression changed. Those eyes were no longer distant, instead, they were now watching Frank in a way he couldn’t quite describe, though he found this look familiar. He’d seen glimpses of it when Billy thought Frank hadn’t been paying attention, only for it to disappear as soon as he realized that Frank had noticed. Frank wasn’t entirely sure what it meant, but he didn’t look away, leaning into Billy’s hand as the man’s thumb brushed over his cheek. Billy so rarely gave out affection, not that Frank was much different, but it was even rarer that Frank received affection nowadays from anyone so he relished it while he could, the look in Billy’s eyes making him feel things he thought he’d long since left behind.

Frank had been so caught up in trying to piece together the thoughts going on behind Billy’s expression that he didn’t even register when the other man moved, not until Billy was already kissing him, almost hesitant at first. For a moment Frank froze, his surprise immobilizing him until his brain came back online and he registered just how good all this felt, from the warmth of Bill’s lips against his own, how unbelievably soft those lips were, to the hands that were now framing his face, cradling his cheeks with the utmost care. 

Frank hadn’t kissed anyone in a long time, enough that he couldn’t even pinpoint the last time in his mind, but he couldn’t recall any of his past experiences making him feel like this, that despite his multitude of injuries, all he could feel was how good kissing Billy felt. 

His bandaged hands reached forward, grabbing handfuls of Billy’s suit to try and tug him closer as he leaned in, kissing Billy back, not expecting the swell of emotion that rose up inside. It felt this was something he’d been waiting to happen for years, like Frank’s whole world suddenly made sense in a way it never had before. 

When they parted, Billy didn’t go far, resting their heads together as his thumbs continued to stroke over Frank’s cheeks. “You’re it for me, Frankie. If you’re gone, then I might as well go with you. If you’re not here, then nothing else really matters.” 

Those words hit Frank especially hard, the look on Billy’s face that he’d been trying to understand beginning to make a lot more sense. “I’m not going anywhere.” He promised softly, reaching up to gather Billy’s hands in his own, pressing his lips to the other man’s knuckles. “I won’t do that to you, Bill, I’m not gonna leave you.” He leaned up and Billy didn’t hesitate, meeting him in the middle to kiss him again as Frank squeezed his hands. 

For a moment they remained that way, neither in much hurry to move. But when they did separate, Frank briefly worried that Billy would change his mind and act as though none of that had just happened. But much the opposite happened.

Billy slipped out of his suit jacket and for a second Frank didn’t understand why, not until the other man returned to the side of the bed and Frank quickly understood what he was silently asking for, even if Billy couldn’t bring himself to voice the words. This wasn’t unusual either, they always seemed to be on the same page about almost everything. 

Frank carefully shifted himself on the bed, moving his body to one side in order to leave enough room for the other man’s long frame. It wasn’t easy and it took a good bit for both of them to get comfortable, minding the wires and tubes attached to Frank as well as his numerous injuries. But soon Billy was tucked under Frank’s chin, a careful arm secured across his torso, his head resting so he could hear the other man’s heart beat. 

Frank wrapped an arm around Billy, nuzzling his nose into the softness of his hair before pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Billy responded by lifting his head to press a kiss beneath the curve of Frank’s jaw. 

“You don’t ever have to be without me if you don’t want to be, okay?” Frank’s fingers traced down over Billy’s arm. “I’m yours if you’ll have me.” 

“Yeah?” Billy responded, “You sure about that?” 

“More sure than I’ve been about anything in quite a long time.” Frank tightened his hold on Billy, tugging him impossibly closer. “I know what I’m asking for, Bill. I know you and I know everything that comes along with you. But you know me too and you know all the bullshit I’ve got hanging on me, always going on inside my head. If you can accept all that and take me anyway, then I know I can do the same for you. I just wish I’d made this decision a long time ago.” 

Billy said nothing for several minutes, listening to Frank’s heart and the steady sound of his breathing. He’d avoided shit like this for years, refusing to let anyone get close enough to be with him like this unless it was some sort of fling and those never lasted long. He’d always moved on eventually. But Frank was different. Frank had been his one constant since they’d met and he was the only person to look every horrible thing about Billy straight in the face and not flinch, not even a little. And if they were going to get to have more moments like this, then wasn’t that all he’d ever wanted all along? No one had ever touched him like this, wanted him like this. If Frank wanted him, would it really be so bad to let Frank have him when he wanted Frank just the same?

This time when Billy lifted his head, he made sure he met Frank’s gaze, looking into those brown eyes that he had always found so welcoming whenever they were on him. “You and me, huh? This mean you’re gonna propose too?”

Frank’s face broke out in a smile at that, one that made his laugh lines come out and his eyes light up. “Whatever you want, sweetheart. I’d be content to spend the rest of my life making you happy.” 

Billy had to kiss him again when he said that, sure this would be just one of many more to come. And as he once again made himself comfortable in Frank’s arms, Billy found himself at ease inside a hospital for the first time in his life. Funny how being with that right person could change things completely.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm saintaleksander on Tumblr.


End file.
